I am happier now without you because I know I deserve more and better.

I adore you Lykke Li.

LOL

Just because me giving you a chance didn't come across my mind does not make me shallow. You're just not my type. No need to stop talking to me and making status about beautiful people being shallow directing it to me as well because you texted me about it. How old are you again? 12 or 17? I'm not writing about this because it bothers me, it's just really funny.

Back to my curly hair. #swag

Our days pass by constantly, and causally thinking about each other from time to time. But some days, not a word shared. It's at night that I think of you the most and hope you had a good day and that you will have one tomorrow as well. I miss you and I can't wait to see you this summer.

Let's fucking party hardcore, get over our hangovers and party some fucking more.

The most random thing I did today; Went to the beach.

This morning.

Stinky breath, eye crust and all.

I like having a blog, it keeps track of my transformation.

In all honestly, I stood home because I didn't feel like seeing anyone's face today. Yup, good enough reason for me to stay home and be a fatass.

I have to go to the library soon though and I'm going to dress the way I actually want too. Fuck this weather, It's not stopping me. I stepped outside today though with my brother while he smoked and I was talking to him about some things that made me feel at peace and one with myself and this strange guy stopped and startled talking to us and telling me that I should of been born around his era which was around the 80's because of the way I was talking. He even asked me if I smoked and listen to great music and I told him "fuck yeah to both" and he told me that he sense great spirit and soothing vibes from me. Which of course, made my day. And now just currently one of my friends told me that I'm becoming more badass. Oh, but I like this.


One with mind. Mind with one.

I still make room for our love, how foolish of me.

"I think we've always been on the same boat enduring the same currents just never turning the same way."

When I don't eat right during the day I wake up with the feeling of a hang over. I don't know why because it doesn't make any sense and I have that feeling now and there isn't much to drink or eat. I knocked out yesterday, forgetting about the world, feeling amazing because I was happy yesterday. I had a great day along with great weather and good laughs. Everything is falling into place every baby step I take. I like it this way.

Every time I speak to you, I know a little more about myself.

Why does anyone need a reason for anything.

But I love what I have more than what I don't. Still want, yearn for more.

Feel fucking amazing.

My soul keeps creeping out and slipping so quickly right back where it belongs. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, right when the roller coaster is at it's highest peak before it dives into the fall. That's how my soul feels like coming out of my body and going just as fast when it goes right back inside. This is how I always want to feel. Connected with the earth and soil and everything around me. Everything is so much more beautiful too and intense. Forever free, love and peace.

When you try to look good, you feel good.

I don't feel like going to school tomorrow. There's this reckless wild side inside of me itching to get the fuck out and run free. Gather some bitches and do what the fuck we want to do without caring about anyone but us. Always on the road each summer, sleeping in hotels, camping, smoking, drinking, dancing around fires and being happy. I want awesome stories to tell my kids too.

Make up still on, clothes still on and heels.

I feel so dirty and lazy. I like it.

"Hippy loving cupcake peace maker fucking smoking weed and reading."

Chambers of Happy Hearts.

It's sad to know that the closet people you have in your life can easily become strangers. And sometimes we can't do anything about it but walk away. Because it's hard to re-built a damage heart from the same person who damaged it in the first place. I'm walking forward. I really am.

I'm already 18 and I can't longer be lazy about things that I shouldn't be lazy about. I need a day of relaxing and getting my shit together. Looking for a job and letting those who weigh me down, go. I'm not old and I'm not young but I don't have time for games and to explain myself to anyone who's playing with my heart and mind.

Everyone hits me up non-stop throughout the day, but who's there at the end? No one. And I'm starting to be okay with that.

Don't you worry about it.

The slow process. 

The baby steps. 

I'm getting there. 

Wish you were here to make it with me, but you're stuck in the idea, that I don't follow my feelings or emotions.

That's okay. Because this is where you miss out, all the time. And then you worry why.

I don't understand why people like rushing. Being adventurous and rushing is two different things.

Happy Birthday to Me.

The moment that you are slowly drowning into your own misery, sometimes there's someone always there to make you smile and when that happens, that feeling is beyond lifting and refreshing. Today was lovely and simple. The ending is what I adored to the utmost. I've never felt so beautiful and happy because of my dad but we will get there after I devour you with details of today.

It's my birthday and I am finally 18. FINALLY. I've been counting this down since 4 months ago. My birthday did not go the way I wanted it to go, well at least what I had in mind. But it was decently good after all. I went to soho with Johanna to eat some lunch which we decided to eat in this place called Gatsby. The food there was yummy. To get some desert we went to spring street and grabbed us some rice pudding with chocolate chips. <3 We sat in the park for a while and then we startled to walk to 14street. I ended up meeting my friend Jonathan and some of his friends. Seeing him was also nice since it was unexpected. We walked around and went into some store which had some masks, costumes and anything else to do with that or Halloween. Jonathan's friends departed after a while and it was just the three of us. I bought some oxford shoes since my feet were killing me. We got some cupcakes in Whole Foods and that made my day a lot better. I don't know there was something missing that day and it had me down for a little bit. Anyway after Johanna left, me and Jonathan went to go eat dinner at some restaurant that is not to far from my house and I always went there when I was young. So that was beyond nice, bringing bad and good memories back to me, mostly good ones. <3 After that meal, We walked home and when I was approaching my house so was my dad and he wished me a happy birthday and many more and gave me pink daisies and told me for the first time that he was sorry about everything that has happened because it's so unnecessary t for me to deal with. This right here, will always be forever remembered. It was so nice. I felt like crying because I've always wanted my dad to tell me that he was sorry and he did. I don't think I could of asked for a better ending.

March. 3 will always be a great day. On to the next year.