But I love what I have more than what I don't. Still want, yearn for more.

Feel fucking amazing.

My soul keeps creeping out and slipping so quickly right back where it belongs. I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, right when the roller coaster is at it's highest peak before it dives into the fall. That's how my soul feels like coming out of my body and going just as fast when it goes right back inside. This is how I always want to feel. Connected with the earth and soil and everything around me. Everything is so much more beautiful too and intense. Forever free, love and peace.

When you try to look good, you feel good.

I don't feel like going to school tomorrow. There's this reckless wild side inside of me itching to get the fuck out and run free. Gather some bitches and do what the fuck we want to do without caring about anyone but us. Always on the road each summer, sleeping in hotels, camping, smoking, drinking, dancing around fires and being happy. I want awesome stories to tell my kids too.

Make up still on, clothes still on and heels.

I feel so dirty and lazy. I like it.

"Hippy loving cupcake peace maker fucking smoking weed and reading."

Chambers of Happy Hearts.

It's sad to know that the closet people you have in your life can easily become strangers. And sometimes we can't do anything about it but walk away. Because it's hard to re-built a damage heart from the same person who damaged it in the first place. I'm walking forward. I really am.

I'm already 18 and I can't longer be lazy about things that I shouldn't be lazy about. I need a day of relaxing and getting my shit together. Looking for a job and letting those who weigh me down, go. I'm not old and I'm not young but I don't have time for games and to explain myself to anyone who's playing with my heart and mind.

Everyone hits me up non-stop throughout the day, but who's there at the end? No one. And I'm starting to be okay with that.

Don't you worry about it.

The slow process. 

The baby steps. 

I'm getting there. 

Wish you were here to make it with me, but you're stuck in the idea, that I don't follow my feelings or emotions.

That's okay. Because this is where you miss out, all the time. And then you worry why.

I don't understand why people like rushing. Being adventurous and rushing is two different things.

Happy Birthday to Me.

The moment that you are slowly drowning into your own misery, sometimes there's someone always there to make you smile and when that happens, that feeling is beyond lifting and refreshing. Today was lovely and simple. The ending is what I adored to the utmost. I've never felt so beautiful and happy because of my dad but we will get there after I devour you with details of today.

It's my birthday and I am finally 18. FINALLY. I've been counting this down since 4 months ago. My birthday did not go the way I wanted it to go, well at least what I had in mind. But it was decently good after all. I went to soho with Johanna to eat some lunch which we decided to eat in this place called Gatsby. The food there was yummy. To get some desert we went to spring street and grabbed us some rice pudding with chocolate chips. <3 We sat in the park for a while and then we startled to walk to 14street. I ended up meeting my friend Jonathan and some of his friends. Seeing him was also nice since it was unexpected. We walked around and went into some store which had some masks, costumes and anything else to do with that or Halloween. Jonathan's friends departed after a while and it was just the three of us. I bought some oxford shoes since my feet were killing me. We got some cupcakes in Whole Foods and that made my day a lot better. I don't know there was something missing that day and it had me down for a little bit. Anyway after Johanna left, me and Jonathan went to go eat dinner at some restaurant that is not to far from my house and I always went there when I was young. So that was beyond nice, bringing bad and good memories back to me, mostly good ones. <3 After that meal, We walked home and when I was approaching my house so was my dad and he wished me a happy birthday and many more and gave me pink daisies and told me for the first time that he was sorry about everything that has happened because it's so unnecessary t for me to deal with. This right here, will always be forever remembered. It was so nice. I felt like crying because I've always wanted my dad to tell me that he was sorry and he did. I don't think I could of asked for a better ending.

March. 3 will always be a great day. On to the next year.