On my ride home, i was thinking about how much i have improved through out my high school years and how much i changed. Thinking about all that shows me how much i depended on people for everything, even my happiness. I always needed someone with me. I was a very needy person as well. I have to admit, i also liked and wanted attention from every possible person i spoke to. The reason it being was that i had very low self-esteem. I knew that i was at the time too and i knew how to change it. But i didn't because the reason why i had low self-esteem was because the people who caused this, were my "friends" at the moment. They were people, i hung out with every day. Everyone just had a trashy and horrible aura. All they cared about was going to the mall and sneakers. I eventually became a depressed person, no one knew this of course. I became more of a loner then ever. I lied my life away. I didn't understand why i was so depressed at such a young age. I just thought no one understood me. I can't remember any other time i struggled and fought with thoughts of ending my life. That was probably the only time, i even thought about all that. I was a complete mess. I wanted someone to help me. I went so far for people, so they can be happy. Hoping that happiness will be returned. But i was wrong. That was stupid of me because no one ever did. I eventually told someone about all this and he responded "How can you be depressed? When they're people dying and hungry right now. Stop being so selfish." Knowing how he is, he probably said that to shake me off the depression but that didn't work because those weren't the things i needed to hear. I can't remember so clearly because three years passed from that phase i had. But i do remember that i took myself out of depression without any one's help. I can't even remember the steps i took, but i know i did it. I know that i learned a valuable lesson and many others that i still carry on with me. Never depend on others for your happiness. From that moment on, i cut all those friends out of my life. Without explanation or with. I found new friends who birth a new aura i never seen, that i began to feed upon. They were so happy and always laughing. They actually wanted to hear what i had to say. I eventually became happy because of these very new people. I was very lucky to even find friends like this so quickly after cutting off the other friends. I'm still thankful for them, even if we drifted apart. Of course, they're so much details in between all of this. Some details i won't ever share with any one or details that are just to long to write out. The point is, that nothing is impossible. Doing something for yourself emotionally and mentally is always better if you do it yourself. You learn so much more. So those people who portray them selves as "i won't ever be happy or happiness doesn't happen to me" and etc and etc. Because that's not true. Anyone can change, if they really want too. Anyone can save themselves, if they really want too. Through out all the experiences i've learned and dealt with, i have to say that most of the things you feel is a state of mind. I'm thankful for all those people who came into my life throughout the three years, i've learned so much and i'm still learning. There's alot of  positive things that was said through out it all and i still remind myself so i can become a better person. It's hard to explain the good impacts certain people gave me.

I'm really content with life right now and everything i went through just seems like a nightmare that i woke up from two years ago. So much has changed and i'm grateful that it did. I can finally say that i'm completely content with who i'm growing up into. No one ever believes me when i tell them how i use to me, because that's how happy i am and how much of a different person i am today.The ride home also made me think about the deep situations that happened to me and that caused the most dents in me, emotionally wise. And i dealt with it on my own, thinking about it. I always made myself feel better. I always took myself out of the slumps i was in. I've become so independent and I'm rough when i need to be. People just don't think that i'm capable of being rough and they're fools to even judge me. I always tell people to never underestimate anyone. Taking glimpses of my past makes me not feel like i'm 17. I been through alot for a 17 year old. And this is just an inch of it. I don't know if that's good or bad. But at least i know i'm strong and i'm ready for anything.