I'm job hunting today after i see my tutor. I  need a new job with more hours and that gives me more pay. I'm going to go around my neighbourhood  to see if anything is available. Other pharmacies are definitely on the list. I just need a job where i can buy all the things i want and still have a little money after.

I haven't  been here for a while. And it's not that i don't have much to say or rather anything to say because i do. I  have tons of things to say. There's so much on my mind. So much change has happened in a couple of weeks. I'm still trying to endure everything and get use to stuff the way it is now. All this time being away from here and other sites because im starting to get busier and just being to tired to even touch my laptop. I've lost bad habits that i once had.

Blue Valentine - Official Trailer [HD]

You always hurt the one you love

The one you shouldn't hurt at all

You always take the sweetest rose

And crush it till the petals fall

You always break the kindest heart

With a hasty word you can't recall

So If I broke your heart last night

It's because I love you most of all

You know, one thing i have to say is that i miss you a lot. I miss the idea of you and the plans we made for each other in the future. And hell, the times we've had. That goes to the bad and good. But it's just better this way, trust me. For now, at least. Whose to say that nothing will happen in the future between us, when we've matured into young adults. I would like to say,  talk to people and get to know different things. After all that, we will come to each other and see how we feel about everything. Yes, i think that's a good idea. I feel like texting you because i miss you that much.

I'm not someone who shows sadness to strangers.

Happiness

When you're in a relationship, you shouldn't have to try to make someone happy. It's not healthy to keep beating yourself up to have someone happy that you are with. It's not worth it. You end up losing who you are, your strength and most importantly your happiness. They're with you because you make them happy being you and you should be with them for the same reason. Happiness is something that should naturally happen in a relationship. And hey, doing things to make them happy is always a plus too. But don't kill yourself over it.

This weekend has been by far the greatest.
When im done with this headache, ill come back to you guys to tell you more about it.

Mac Miller is love though.

If I knew there was school today, I would of gone. I can't miss school like that and I hate that I woke up late enough to know this. But yet again, I'm glad I woke up early enough before I head to work which is at 4, so I have plenty of things to do before that. I'm going to finish watching The Queen of The Damned.

I'll live happily ever after with the happy ending that I deserve with you, whom deserves to share this happy ending with me. All the things you mean to me are the things that mean life to me. Oh dear, how i am falling in love all over again. How I feel this utterly new feeling sprouting beneath my feet. I can go out every night of the week, can go home with anybody I meet, but it's all a temporary high because when I close my eyes I'm somewhere with you. Hold my hand, let your fingers touch the tips of my fingers, listen to my heartbeats, kiss each and every other beat. Lay on my stomach while I sing a tune, listen to the echoes and vibrations rumbling inside of me. Prove me wrong that you aren't like the guys I've met before you. Tell me that you are in love with me,  every aspect of whom I am and will become, that  you will follow me wherever my dreams take me, that you will caress my body every morning while I lay besides you and every night while I'm falling asleep and I wish I can tell you this with out you thinking that I am crazy because it is just the beginning of our relationship. But I am crazy because I think I fall in love with every guy who devours me  with attention, who makes me feel good, and who shows that they care. But maybe, I like that about me. The fact that I love more than once. The fact that I love as if I never had my heart taken away from me.

You have it all wrong.

All wrong. And you won't ever know how much i'll miss you, how much things meant to me and still do, and how i just need space for alittle while. You have it all wrong, that's why your state of mind is the way it is right now. But that's fine, i'll be here when we meet again. You won't allow yourself to stick around because you think this has everything to do with you.

There's never a problem to share what's bothering you to someone and when you think that there is or when you're afraid of sharing what you have to say  because you feel like they're going to just give up on you, like last time, there's a problem. Because you're always going to be in that fear. How will you ever trust them again to never leave because of how you feel? Feelings can easily cease with fixing the problem, if you care enough to fix it in the first place. It's hard. I don't know where i'm going. I know where i want to be. And i want to share true happiness with myself. I don't want to look for it any more, in someone else. This explains the mess i'm in, because i'm looking. And i'm tired of doing so. I've been this way because of an event two years ago. I'm always looking for someone to understand me because everytime i explain myself to anyone, it gets all messed up and it comes out the wrong.  My soul feels dirty, currently. Maybe what i'm struggling with right now can help the character i'm going to write about.

I'm thinking of starting my first chapter to my book tonight. I'm pretty excited. As i type this, i'm gathering thoughts that i should write about. I think i'm not going to hold anything back.