Happy Birthday to Me.

The moment that you are slowly drowning into your own misery, sometimes there's someone always there to make you smile and when that happens, that feeling is beyond lifting and refreshing. Today was lovely and simple. The ending is what I adored to the utmost. I've never felt so beautiful and happy because of my dad but we will get there after I devour you with details of today.

It's my birthday and I am finally 18. FINALLY. I've been counting this down since 4 months ago. My birthday did not go the way I wanted it to go, well at least what I had in mind. But it was decently good after all. I went to soho with Johanna to eat some lunch which we decided to eat in this place called Gatsby. The food there was yummy. To get some desert we went to spring street and grabbed us some rice pudding with chocolate chips. <3 We sat in the park for a while and then we startled to walk to 14street. I ended up meeting my friend Jonathan and some of his friends. Seeing him was also nice since it was unexpected. We walked around and went into some store which had some masks, costumes and anything else to do with that or Halloween. Jonathan's friends departed after a while and it was just the three of us. I bought some oxford shoes since my feet were killing me. We got some cupcakes in Whole Foods and that made my day a lot better. I don't know there was something missing that day and it had me down for a little bit. Anyway after Johanna left, me and Jonathan went to go eat dinner at some restaurant that is not to far from my house and I always went there when I was young. So that was beyond nice, bringing bad and good memories back to me, mostly good ones. <3 After that meal, We walked home and when I was approaching my house so was my dad and he wished me a happy birthday and many more and gave me pink daisies and told me for the first time that he was sorry about everything that has happened because it's so unnecessary t for me to deal with. This right here, will always be forever remembered. It was so nice. I felt like crying because I've always wanted my dad to tell me that he was sorry and he did. I don't think I could of asked for a better ending.

March. 3 will always be a great day. On to the next year.

I can't wait for this movie :]

With my sister being in Texas makes this house less of a home. But speaking to her makes it feel like home. I miss her dearly much and were catching up through texts as I type this. The idea of her being in Texas hasn't really settled in yet, I'm just getting use to her not being here and I feel like she's just sleeping over at someone's house and she'll be back in a couple of days.

Ahhhh

I just woke up and I'm finally able to ignore my phone for a little bit. Not that I hate it but a lot of people text me. I always feel loved, haha.  But yes, I'm going to the library to meet up some guys now and give them my turtle. Now that I'm actually going to give it away, feels weird. I kinda don't want to give it away anymore. But she deserves to be in a better home with a whole lot more attention. The guy I'm giving it too seems super nice so lets hope for the best. Because I just thought about, if I gave him my turtle he'll turn out like that mean kid in toy story. -___- THINK POSITIVE.

City and Colour dominate my heart.

You're so deceiving and after tomorrow it's a new beginning.

Cheers to nights that I can't sleep.

Tomorrow I'm going to get my nose pierced with my friend and he's going to pay for it because it's an early birthday gift from him to me. I'm pretty excited. It's going to be a tiny stud, probably on the left side of my nose. I can't sleep and I hate that I can't. I literally want everything and I always want to keep majority of those whom I speak to, to be around me. But I can't seem to want you. I can't seem to miss you. And it's not anger when it comes to this, I just can't miss you. I just really can't miss you and that doesn't bother me at all. I have other people who I rather miss. You wouldn't let me breathe either if I did keep you around. The things you've said to me made me so numb and confused, which I let happen of course but because of that, I am where I am at. You were such a huge impact in my life just like someone else was and I didn't expect for things to be the way it is now. But just going through what we went  threw has made me so a bit lost. I don't what's real or not sometimes. But my faith in believing has made me not become so cruel to anyone. My faith has made me want to keep  believing that there is good out there, that there is someone who won't treat me bad or lie to me when it's not needed because they know how strong I am. My faith has made me want to love more and passionate. You see, that's where you went wrong, you lied to me because you thought I was weak. You underestimate like everyone does. Being around people will make me better and being around my own company as well. Drowning myself into songs as well. Living life and being all around the place, until I find something worth staying in one place for as well will make me all better.

I truly wish the best for you though.
Because hey, everyone deserves happiness.

11 more days until my birthday.

I'm doing better today. I can say that I'm happy.

This week has been quite a shitty one. First was getting use to my sister not being here and I think I'm okay with how things are going.  Dealing with stuff that is pointless. Me and my mom running into little problems but we talked it out today while I was eating an apple. But despite this week being so crappy, thursday and friday has been the highlight of my week. I was with friends, mainly in the city and it felt so good being around laid back and awesome vibes. And even though it was just for the moment, they made me feel content with where I'm at in life even if I am heartbroken and empty feeling. Just to feel something that beautiful and push these feelings away made me happy. I spent alot of hours with them as well. I constantly speak to my sister because I miss her dearly much and its hard knowing that I can't crawl into her bed and sleep with her when I'm feeling lonely or when I just need someone to cry too. It's hard but I know I'll be alright. My birthday is coming soon and I'm just waiting until it does. I'm excited about turning 18 but I don't have any plans besides going to a club with some girls from my old job later on that weekend and hopefully going out with family to have a dinner. I haven't heard anything from my recent job and it sucks because I already want to officially start working and get some money. If I don't hear anything from this job until my birthday I'm going to start applying in the mall and at the city, mainly in soho. Being in the city yesterday made me love it more. Running into those little shows people have on the streets and singing crews made everything so lovely, oh besides eating two pizzas, a strawberry smootie and a cookie and cream cupcake.

Tonight, I'm going out with the girls from my old job to the movies.

Happy Valentines Day.