Harp Music Harpist Concert A bird came flying

When i go into college, i'm going to learn the harp. Especially since i'll have money to buy this instrument. I don't care how huge this will look next to me, it's to beautiful for me not to learn it and play for someone.

I'm not able to fall asleep. I'm wide awake and I can't help but ponder on thoughts and things that I want. They don't need to happen but I would like for it to happen. It's just weird. I think I'm weird and I'm not just saying this because I feel like it but I am weird. Being in love is such a beautiful feeling. I miss it, I really do. I know I'm young. Loving people is wonderful. It's something everyone should do often. I love to much. And I'm not a shame of it. I'm such a sucker for love. Despite how much I get hurt, I'll love the next person with more passion. I'm not the other way around like other people. I'm just not. It's not my style. Love is something we should all hold onto because I believe it's the only thing real besides believing in someone. That's also something beautiful. Giving someone a piece of your soul, your heart and your secrets, it's not a bad thing to do. Quite frankly, you can't just give that to anyone. You have to be sure it's someone who can keep your secrets safe and your dreams alive. I find everything beautiful and maybe that's a problem people would think I'll have. But it's not. I like the way I think. Yes, people have tried to destroy it because according to them, that's not how I should be thinking because the world is ugly. No, the world is not ugly. Some people, yes. But the world? No. I have to much passion, faith and energy to give up hope on humanity, on love, and on trust. I endure everything that is around me or that is happening and I learn from it. Transform whatever it may be and make it my strength. But I will never give up on who I am or the things I believe in, because I get hurt.
I'm rambling to much and I'm hungry and I watched to much Grey's Anatmoy tonight. As a result of that, I cried and watching those episodes made me want love again.

Morning Sunshine

Sometimes when I look at patterns or tripping designs, I see faces. Faces, that aren't familiar. And it's always for those few seconds I'm looking at the pattern. I always see this on my carpet and they're always looking back into my soul.

This is just the fucking best.
The end.

JOB HUNTING TODAY.

Yesterday, I found out that my sister is moving to Texas in about two weeks. I'm overly happy for her that she's ready to have a life of her own. I'm going to miss the hell out of her but that's alright because i can visit her when ever i feel like it in the summer time. <3 Gah, i can't wait for that, to take trips and sleep over. The thing that sucks is i won't be able to share clothes with her anymore, lmao. But it's okay, clothes can be replaced. Other than, this news, i took my two regents that i had to take this week. Which hopefully i passed. I'll be damned if i don't.
Yesterday was also a perfect day, the feelings, the events, the things said and the food.

Whenever I feel like I need attention, it's because you're lacking it. Not because, I'm some needy girl who complains and begs. NO. It's not like that all. This doesn't just go directly to me, when anyone feels like they need attention is because they're lacking it in their lives or is not getting the right attention. That's all. Were all humans, and there's no need to look into our emotions and question everything we feel because sometimes, things are the way things are.

Every time i shower, i like shaving everything and after wards painting my nails bright colors. I feel all new and relaxed. I just finished eating some sliced up pears with a fork. I like eating my fruits, all sliced up and with a fork. Always, just always.

I'm getting so over the edge excited because my birthday is coming soon.

Snowed in, I am. It feels quite lovely though. I'm going outside in a little bit with my sister to take some pictures and play a little in the snow. I haven't done that all winter and since it's snowing so much, I shall take advantage.

I wish it would snow more so the algebra regents can be cancelled. I'm really going to try my best and i'm sure i will  do better because i had some tutoring for the pass few weeks. After this, is global time. I'm really hoping i can devour some chinese food soon, my cravings are going crazy and chinese food is the main thing right now. I'm job hunting but i'm not job hunting hard enough.

I swear, if i didn't have such a great friend like johanna this year, i would completely screwed. She's really the only motivation i have to go to school now a days because me being a senior makes me to the uttermost of my laziness. So i'm done with my essay, thanks to her. Now i'm watching The Human Centipede until i have to get ready for work.



I'm very anxious for Friday.

I adore passionate and gentle kisses, while the edges of my body is being caress.

Because were sisters and we look alike.

My nightmares feel to real. Dreams like that, are reasons why i don't feel safe at night. I rather be awake then dream the way i dream. Everything about it is in slow motion, so the emotions that i'm having while i'm sleeping are ten times more powerful. I feel like these nightmares eat a little of my soul every night or every time they creep up on me. I don't know, it's hard to explain here or maybe it's just hard to explain in general. I just want taro bubble tea.

I'm really happy my two wisdom teeth don't hurt as much as yesterday. It's going to be a big pain when all four come out.

The loss, the scars, the weight of heavy hearts.

The new things that has been happening:
-dyed the sides of my hair brownish, i want to go lighter though:] maybe in a month or so.
-causal smoker, both cigs and weed
-job hunting
-two regents this week that i will pass
-having this strong state of mind form
-being able to express myself more clearly
-allowing my dreams expand
-new wonderful friendships


I like this. All of this. And for the smoking, i don't smoke that often, just when i'm with someone, which feels right. The setting feels almost perfect.

Last night was pretty laid back and awesome. I had a great time with the people who were there. I wish Nelson was there so we can be able to spend more time together. Everyone was so drunk and i was the only sober one because i didn't want to wake up with a hang over, but i had fun regardless. :] We all danced, played twister, beer pong, wine pong and flip a cup. These pass weekends have been amazing. I can't wait to see what the next one brings. I didn't sleep until almost 8 because i was chatting my interests away with a friend i made. I haven't stayed up that long in a while and indeed, it felt nice.

I'm job hunting today after i see my tutor. I  need a new job with more hours and that gives me more pay. I'm going to go around my neighbourhood  to see if anything is available. Other pharmacies are definitely on the list. I just need a job where i can buy all the things i want and still have a little money after.

I haven't  been here for a while. And it's not that i don't have much to say or rather anything to say because i do. I  have tons of things to say. There's so much on my mind. So much change has happened in a couple of weeks. I'm still trying to endure everything and get use to stuff the way it is now. All this time being away from here and other sites because im starting to get busier and just being to tired to even touch my laptop. I've lost bad habits that i once had.

Blue Valentine - Official Trailer [HD]

You always hurt the one you love

The one you shouldn't hurt at all

You always take the sweetest rose

And crush it till the petals fall

You always break the kindest heart

With a hasty word you can't recall

So If I broke your heart last night

It's because I love you most of all

You know, one thing i have to say is that i miss you a lot. I miss the idea of you and the plans we made for each other in the future. And hell, the times we've had. That goes to the bad and good. But it's just better this way, trust me. For now, at least. Whose to say that nothing will happen in the future between us, when we've matured into young adults. I would like to say,  talk to people and get to know different things. After all that, we will come to each other and see how we feel about everything. Yes, i think that's a good idea. I feel like texting you because i miss you that much.

I'm not someone who shows sadness to strangers.

Happiness

When you're in a relationship, you shouldn't have to try to make someone happy. It's not healthy to keep beating yourself up to have someone happy that you are with. It's not worth it. You end up losing who you are, your strength and most importantly your happiness. They're with you because you make them happy being you and you should be with them for the same reason. Happiness is something that should naturally happen in a relationship. And hey, doing things to make them happy is always a plus too. But don't kill yourself over it.

This weekend has been by far the greatest.
When im done with this headache, ill come back to you guys to tell you more about it.

Mac Miller is love though.

If I knew there was school today, I would of gone. I can't miss school like that and I hate that I woke up late enough to know this. But yet again, I'm glad I woke up early enough before I head to work which is at 4, so I have plenty of things to do before that. I'm going to finish watching The Queen of The Damned.

I'll live happily ever after with the happy ending that I deserve with you, whom deserves to share this happy ending with me. All the things you mean to me are the things that mean life to me. Oh dear, how i am falling in love all over again. How I feel this utterly new feeling sprouting beneath my feet. I can go out every night of the week, can go home with anybody I meet, but it's all a temporary high because when I close my eyes I'm somewhere with you. Hold my hand, let your fingers touch the tips of my fingers, listen to my heartbeats, kiss each and every other beat. Lay on my stomach while I sing a tune, listen to the echoes and vibrations rumbling inside of me. Prove me wrong that you aren't like the guys I've met before you. Tell me that you are in love with me,  every aspect of whom I am and will become, that  you will follow me wherever my dreams take me, that you will caress my body every morning while I lay besides you and every night while I'm falling asleep and I wish I can tell you this with out you thinking that I am crazy because it is just the beginning of our relationship. But I am crazy because I think I fall in love with every guy who devours me  with attention, who makes me feel good, and who shows that they care. But maybe, I like that about me. The fact that I love more than once. The fact that I love as if I never had my heart taken away from me.

You have it all wrong.

All wrong. And you won't ever know how much i'll miss you, how much things meant to me and still do, and how i just need space for alittle while. You have it all wrong, that's why your state of mind is the way it is right now. But that's fine, i'll be here when we meet again. You won't allow yourself to stick around because you think this has everything to do with you.

There's never a problem to share what's bothering you to someone and when you think that there is or when you're afraid of sharing what you have to say  because you feel like they're going to just give up on you, like last time, there's a problem. Because you're always going to be in that fear. How will you ever trust them again to never leave because of how you feel? Feelings can easily cease with fixing the problem, if you care enough to fix it in the first place. It's hard. I don't know where i'm going. I know where i want to be. And i want to share true happiness with myself. I don't want to look for it any more, in someone else. This explains the mess i'm in, because i'm looking. And i'm tired of doing so. I've been this way because of an event two years ago. I'm always looking for someone to understand me because everytime i explain myself to anyone, it gets all messed up and it comes out the wrong.  My soul feels dirty, currently. Maybe what i'm struggling with right now can help the character i'm going to write about.

I'm thinking of starting my first chapter to my book tonight. I'm pretty excited. As i type this, i'm gathering thoughts that i should write about. I think i'm not going to hold anything back.

I'm finally sleepy. Sleepy enough to sleep on my own. I'm so happy i finally want sleep and sleep is right here in front of me. To sleep, to feel safe, to be happy. When i'm awake, my life falls apart. When i'm dreaming, i meet beautiful people and i'm so beautiful.

Where the body goes, the mind will follow.

I remember wanting 10 more minutes to sleep this morning, to ask questions to the unknown souls that creep inside my dreams.

The result of that is, lucid dreaming because i asked questions that i wanted to ask and i hugged them because i made myself do so and of course, over sleeping and waking up late. I won't fail any class though.

If i would spill out every detail of my life onto this blog, i would be in a lot of trouble.

At the end of the day, it's my opinion.

You know what i find unattractive in this world now a days? Is the half shaved girls that walk among this earth. I don't understand nor will i ever understand why girls are shaving half of their heads. It's not cute at all. I just don't think it looks right. I mean, unless you want to be a boy, by all means shave half of your hair off and grow some balls. The point of this post is just to state that i find it really unappealing and that i think it's quite to boyish for a female's face. It's like the girl's are confused. They don't know whether they want to shave their hair off or keep it.

If i let you use anything of mine, i expect to get it back the same way i gave it to you. It upsets me when someone messes up the things i kindly share because it's mine and you have no idea if i worked hard to have it the way it is. And okay, lets say you do mess up anything that i've ever given you, at least tell me when i ask you about it. Don't just tell me "I didn't do it". When i KNOW it had to be you since you were the only person using it. That makes me not want to share with you anymore. Because not only, you messed up my personal things but you aren't telling me the truth when i ask you. There's nothing wrong with the truth. Nothing. And if you were to tell me the truth, then just maybe, i'll share my personal things with you just one more time because of that honestly.

Exactly two months until my birthday.

I've already startled looking for dresses to wear that day and the weekend.

I don't think you'll find someone who paints their nails and watches movies as much as i do.

Maybe i am a movie fanatic. I always spend my time watching movies and movies and movies. I just finished watching My Sister's Keeper and it made me cry. Time to finish Origin: Spirits of the past. <3

I can already tell my mom needs to feel like we still need her. She offers to do everything for us even if she sees us doing it already. She serves us food and gets everything that we need to eat while eating as in drinks and napkins. My mom is already showing me that she doesn't want me to leave her nest so quickly like my sister did by being a bit protective over me lately. I mean, i understand because i guess that's how every mother is. There isn't a mother out there who wants to feel like her own kids don't need her anymore. But they have to let us go when the time comes so we can learn on our own. That's the thing that parents, (i should say) doesn't realize that we would always need them.

If you guys didn't already know, Black Swan is my second favourite movie. <3 And if you guys didn't already know what's my first favourite movie is, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

There's a lot going on inside my head today and i can't find the words to write it out. But the reason why i'm writing this post is to remind myself that i need to clear out my head sometime soon here because writing makes me feel sane. Not that i feel like i need to feel or be sane or anything like that today but i'm just stating. While i was walking out after i watched Black Swan, i felt the need to have something to my own. A thought, a feeling, or an object. Just anything. Something that no one knows about for a while. It's hard to explain. But the reason why i'm even wanting this is because i feel like every part of me isn't mine. Everyone has a part of who i am and what's inside my mind. But this time, i want to feel like i still have something that belongs to me. Something that will make someone work hard to find out instead of me just telling them. I know this all makes sense but this isn't everything that i'm thinking about. I shall leave it as it is for now.

Today has been a great day as well. A great full day for the new year. I spent the whole day basically with my sister, her boyfriend and my brother. I woke up to a turkey, cheese and  bacon flat bread with some orange juice. I hung out for a little with all of them and watched my brother and my sister's boyfriend play zombies. Then  a couple of hours later we decided to go to the movies and watch Black Swan. Black Swan was fucking amazing, guys. It had such beauty linking in every scene. It's a movie, i would love to re-watch <3 and i think everyone should watch it. After seeing Black Swan, we ate some subways and now were home. I feel like cleaning my room, painting my nails gray and relaxing whiling watching films. By the way, i currently found another movie of Audrey Tautou. :D

Fuck yeahh!!!! Great way to start the newww yearrrr <3333