I can't wait for this movie :]

With my sister being in Texas makes this house less of a home. But speaking to her makes it feel like home. I miss her dearly much and were catching up through texts as I type this. The idea of her being in Texas hasn't really settled in yet, I'm just getting use to her not being here and I feel like she's just sleeping over at someone's house and she'll be back in a couple of days.

Ahhhh

I just woke up and I'm finally able to ignore my phone for a little bit. Not that I hate it but a lot of people text me. I always feel loved, haha.  But yes, I'm going to the library to meet up some guys now and give them my turtle. Now that I'm actually going to give it away, feels weird. I kinda don't want to give it away anymore. But she deserves to be in a better home with a whole lot more attention. The guy I'm giving it too seems super nice so lets hope for the best. Because I just thought about, if I gave him my turtle he'll turn out like that mean kid in toy story. -___- THINK POSITIVE.

City and Colour dominate my heart.

You're so deceiving and after tomorrow it's a new beginning.

Cheers to nights that I can't sleep.

Tomorrow I'm going to get my nose pierced with my friend and he's going to pay for it because it's an early birthday gift from him to me. I'm pretty excited. It's going to be a tiny stud, probably on the left side of my nose. I can't sleep and I hate that I can't. I literally want everything and I always want to keep majority of those whom I speak to, to be around me. But I can't seem to want you. I can't seem to miss you. And it's not anger when it comes to this, I just can't miss you. I just really can't miss you and that doesn't bother me at all. I have other people who I rather miss. You wouldn't let me breathe either if I did keep you around. The things you've said to me made me so numb and confused, which I let happen of course but because of that, I am where I am at. You were such a huge impact in my life just like someone else was and I didn't expect for things to be the way it is now. But just going through what we went  threw has made me so a bit lost. I don't what's real or not sometimes. But my faith in believing has made me not become so cruel to anyone. My faith has made me want to keep  believing that there is good out there, that there is someone who won't treat me bad or lie to me when it's not needed because they know how strong I am. My faith has made me want to love more and passionate. You see, that's where you went wrong, you lied to me because you thought I was weak. You underestimate like everyone does. Being around people will make me better and being around my own company as well. Drowning myself into songs as well. Living life and being all around the place, until I find something worth staying in one place for as well will make me all better.

I truly wish the best for you though.
Because hey, everyone deserves happiness.

11 more days until my birthday.

I'm doing better today. I can say that I'm happy.

This week has been quite a shitty one. First was getting use to my sister not being here and I think I'm okay with how things are going.  Dealing with stuff that is pointless. Me and my mom running into little problems but we talked it out today while I was eating an apple. But despite this week being so crappy, thursday and friday has been the highlight of my week. I was with friends, mainly in the city and it felt so good being around laid back and awesome vibes. And even though it was just for the moment, they made me feel content with where I'm at in life even if I am heartbroken and empty feeling. Just to feel something that beautiful and push these feelings away made me happy. I spent alot of hours with them as well. I constantly speak to my sister because I miss her dearly much and its hard knowing that I can't crawl into her bed and sleep with her when I'm feeling lonely or when I just need someone to cry too. It's hard but I know I'll be alright. My birthday is coming soon and I'm just waiting until it does. I'm excited about turning 18 but I don't have any plans besides going to a club with some girls from my old job later on that weekend and hopefully going out with family to have a dinner. I haven't heard anything from my recent job and it sucks because I already want to officially start working and get some money. If I don't hear anything from this job until my birthday I'm going to start applying in the mall and at the city, mainly in soho. Being in the city yesterday made me love it more. Running into those little shows people have on the streets and singing crews made everything so lovely, oh besides eating two pizzas, a strawberry smootie and a cookie and cream cupcake.

Tonight, I'm going out with the girls from my old job to the movies.

Happy Valentines Day.

Sigh, a big shit load of Sighing

My sister just left with her boyfriend and now she is on her way to Texas. A new life. I did everything that I could of done to help them out move all the boxes and organize everything into Henry's car which was very helpful because I was great at it. Helping them out and assuring them that everything will fit, which did made my mood a lot better then it was from the morning. Speaking of the morning, I went to church with sister, her boyfriend and both of my parents. It felt weird, only because I haven't been there for so long but yet it felt nice. I never knew what to say when I was praying so I was being grateful with the thank yous I said. I'm going to miss my sister physically a whole lot. It won't be the same, although we are phone call away, a text a away, a webcam session and  hours away. It just won't be. I didn't know whether to cry or not. I wanted to cry but I couldn't because I was so damn proud and happy for her. I really am and I will always be. I do look forward to this new friendship me and her will have and I can't wait to go visit her in the summer. I swear, I'm going to save money for that trip as soon as I get this job at Rite Aid because without no doubt, I'm going to get hire. We all had dinner together and that was nice. I didn't really know how I should of acted today around my sister because she was annoyed with everything going on and basically making her stressed out. So I gave her space. Which I know she's okay with. I wish we went ice skating together. But there's always next winter for that. Her leaving makes me want to work harder on studying to pass those two regents so she can be there for my graduation because that's the only thing holding me back. I'm just really proud of her and I will keep contact with her because I refuse to have another relationship like me and my big brother who lives in P.A. There's a lot of things that I'm struggling with at this point of my life. Little phases that I hope will pass. I'm going to miss them a whole lot.

And now that I'm here, I'm in such a blah mood.