Today is the last day of september being well spent at the moment. I can't believe a month already passed. I hope next month would be alot better than this month, school wise. Tomorrow is going to be an awesome day with johanna and shirley. :b

It feels really good to be home from a long day. School today went by quickly and my hunger just grew stronger through out the day but today was still a wonderful day. I spent some time with Dylan, of course and that's always nice. There's this comfort of being myself when i'm around him. He is slowly getting to know the real me but that's still a long way. There's so much characteristics that he hasn't met yet because we don't live with each other so he doesn't know how quiet and peaceful my mind is when i am at home and so on and so on. I can't wait to embrace that moment with him when we move in together. Call me naive, but you don't understand this feeling. Anyway, I had a great dinner and i realized that i need more beans and yogurt in my life.

Tomorrow is a new day to grow some actual balls and do something about it.

 

After waking up from the greatest nap.

I wasn't among the lines of acting like myself today. I'm not sleeping as much as i should and  it's taking a toll on me. I have to catch up with it until i become a victim of sleep deprivation. I took a nap today because i couldn't even go on with the day around 7pm. I did wake up to correct and finish my college essay and eat mangos and watch some Naruto.<3 I'm so anxious for my boots to arrive to me. It's located in Phoenix right now and it has to come all the way to New York. You know how how long that's going to take? Well...at least i get to say that my boots been around the world. <3 I have two tests tomorrow, i have the government down because it's just a review from what we have been doing and i have an art test, but i can't even study for that because i left my sketch book at school-_-. So hopefully she lets us review before taking the test. I know some of the questions and answers but not all. And i want to get a good grade on that test at least because the first marking period is almost finishing.

If i'm going to forget the past, you need to go along with it. No need to create more unnecessary webs by trying to be my friend. I haven't shared any personal details of my life with you in a long time for a reason. And this goes to two certain people. You know that i know that you don't really like who i am and vice verse. So leave it as that.

You saw me when I was invisible.

There's something about Monday mornings that make me feel on top of the world and brand new. It probably has to do with it being the beginning of the week but i love it. I wake up with so much motivation and inspiration. I feel like i can do anything i set my mind to. That i can knock any one down who gets in my way. Nothing can destroy me is the attitude that i wake up with. I need more mornings like this.

Off to School(:

I finished the whole list that i needed to do besides the catching up on Bleach, i haven't done that yet. I also took a shower and washed my hair. I'm going to school with my hair curly tomorrow(: It's just for this week, since it's going to rain basically all of the days. And then in the weekend, i'll be doing my hair and cutting it. I love the way my hair smells right now.<3 I liked what i wrote on my college essay and i hope my english teacher can tell me a lot of things so i can improve it. I mean i'm not even sure any more what college i really want to go to and what's best for me when i finish senior year. But hopefully i'll mange to at least get a 82 grade point average by the third marking period to reach the requirements to enroll into Queens College Seek program so i won't have to think about any other college. Next month, i'll be signing up for the SATs and lets see how that goes. I lost the excitement of the center for writing trip because i won't be able to have the money to go, which sucks. But London will meet me sometime during my future. So no worries there. <3 Okay, back to Naruto.

• Clean upstairs and downstairs bathtubs
• Wash dishes
• Organize the hell out of my room
• Broom my carpet and the rest of my floor
• Do my College essay
• Eat dinner
• Call the jobs
• Watch some Naruto 
• Write down some EatRight recipes from my sister's book
• Pick an outfit for tomorrow
• Catch up on Bleach Manga
• Clean Miso's tank

Almost done with this list. I'm currently watching some Naruto and i did eat some ramen and eggs. I also have to re-paint my nails the same color i have. And i'll be doing that college essay a lot later, so sleeping early tonight is not an option. I don't mind at all though. Ah,  I also took the rejection of those jobs quite well. Back to looking for more jobs.

All about cleaning when it comes to Sundays. I always wake up late knowing that i have loads of things to do.

• Clean upstairs and downstairs bathtubs
• Wash dishes
• Organize the hell out of my room
• Broom my carpet and the rest of my floor
• Do my College essay
• Eat dinner
• Call the jobs
• Watch some Naruto 
• Write down some EatRight recipes from my sister's book
• Pick an outfit for tomorrow
• Catch up on Bleach Manga
• Clean Miso's tank

None of these are in order of course, but these are the things that i have to do. So far, i did one.

I just finished watching Titanic with my mother and now i'm searching the behind scenes of it and the history behind this boat. This film is just so speechlessly beautiful. Nothing can ever compare it. No matter how many times i watch this movie, i fall in love with it more. I find things that i didn't see the last time i saw it. I've watched this movie so many times, i've lost count. The first time i saw it was in the theaters when it came out, which was on the year of 1997 because my mom wanted to watch it. I can't remember my reaction to it because it was so long ago. But now, i'm always crying every time i watch this movie. I love films. Every film always gets to me some way. This has to be one of my favorite movies, probably the first and then comes Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind. And that's not even including my favorite anime movies. I liked that i spent this night with my mom. I need more nights like those.

I'm very sleepy but i want to watch at least one episode of Naruto or more before i sleep. Yesterday was great. Everything about it lifted me up. I can just kiss the grounds of it. I still haven't done my college essay, lol. Oh man, i can't slack already. I have to work on it tomorrow and i also have to call those jobs. Ah, i'm so full of shit sometimes, lmao, i always tell myself, i'm going to work out and do this and that and i never do it because, well, i get lazy. Laziness is the worst enemy i'll ever have. Shakes fist*

There's alot of things i want to do in life. Travel to the places that i desire, get over my fears, laugh as if i were a free woman, inspire people, watch more films of every type, read more, paint, learn how to cook, learn how to love more, dance when ever i want to, be late, sleep how ever and where ever, be more of a neat person, cherish the person that i hold hands with a lot more, eat all the sweets and food i want, work out, get drunk, work to get money, cry as much as i want and when ever, sing as if no one was listening, smile even if i'm a lone, embrace the surroundings around me, taste the goals that i have in life, become what i want to become, be a wonderful mother, be a fantastic wife, bake and bake, buy more plants, buy more colorful socks, buy more over size sweaters, live in the moment, let go of the useless, be more understanding, listen more, learn how to view everyone as a teacher, learn something new every day and share it with someone who you think doesn't know it yet, drown someone with my music taste, share stories, listen to stories, write more, share every side, every broken piece, every joy, every pain with someone that i adore, sleep at the beach, visit the beach more, have sexual intercourse in all the places that i dream about, become more free, have a more clear and happy state of mind, live more, walk around my house naked, sleep naked, cook naked, do any work or writings naked, just be free, eat hot dogs once in a blue more often, eat right, sky dive, swim naked, walk along the beach late at night, believe more, hike, bike, catch more snowflakes on my tongue, save more animals, stop comparing myself to people and love the person i am, tell myself that i am beautiful, give my soul to someone who i completely trust, finish writing my book, finish a painting, be with someone who i can do anything with, watch more sunsets, walk more barefoot, speak more, sleep more, stress less, let go of people when they are no longer good use for my soul, make more silly faces, feed upon more knowledge,... there's just so much things to do in life and such little time. Knowing that, upsets me.

Because i feel pretty today.

I’m currently making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are definitely one of them.

Ms. Kawasaki you will be in my future home.

I'm currently searching for jobs on craiglist. So far, i have two numbers that i'm going to call this morning to ask about the job. I'm still looking, sleepy as hell of course and i'm watching Naruto as well. I need a new email, so i can use it for the jobs that require emails to be sent. It's hard looking for a job, especially since i have no experience at all. I want a good job where i can work and balance my social life and my actual life. I have an college essay to do and since it's my first draft, i might just go with whatever the flow is. Tomorrow i'm buying boots and seahorse earrings from ebay. I can't wait. <3 I'm completely nervous about sunday since i'll be cutting my hair. Gah! >___< I hope it comes out the way i have in mind. Crosses fingers*

So if get a job i'll be able to buy whatever i want without any questions asked and I can finally save up money too. Double Win.

Their words are riddles you shouldn't have to solve.

I'm glad things are getting more calm between me and my mother. I didn't like how my thoughts were leading me into being a rebellious child, well at least trying to be one. So i'm really glad. I really hate it when me and her aren't on good terms. There's so much tension when were fighting about something. It's probably because we are a lot alike. Every time we get into a fight, in the middle of it, not even to long into the conversation, i start tearing which leads into crying. I just can't deal with me and her bumping heads. Especially with someone who i love a lot. Come to think of it, i can't deal with me bumping heads with anyone. I just don't like fighting until a point is across. I rather do it civilize and well mannered and that barely happens. It all depends on what the problem is though. I mean, i still fight, of course. But i hate it, i wish i had more control on my nerves because it's not even my anger that makes me fight with people, it's just me getting nervous about dealing with the problem. Which leads into me repeating myself and building up everything from being nervous which goes into anger. I feel nasty after a fight too. I feel like i need to cleanse myself, mentally, emotionally and spiritually wise. Taking a nap or showering and then taking a nap is what i prefer doing after a fight. Which is always liking to get done. The point of is, i need to find a better way to deal with problems, so i won't feel so nasty.

I delete songs from itunes and sometimes even from my memory. It doesn't matter if i like them or not. There just not on my mind at all. But when i fall upon them again over and over, it honestly means it belongs with me. I instantly download them when that happens, especially with songs that i tell myself that i'll download but never do.

A poodle hanging its tongue and holding her head high on a roof less car made my morning<3

I feel like a sailor moon character mixed with a spice girl because of these two buns that i have on top of my head. I likes my mint tongue after i brush my teeth.

I'm currently trying to finish up my Government homework which is a drag because im so sleepy.
Anyway, tomorrow is friday and i will be finding information on the London trip which i found out were only for center for writing kids and the actual senior trip is to go to Vermont. I want to know if i can get half of the money by raising it, some how at Bowne or something so i can go to the trip without making it a hassle for my parents to pay. After all that, i'll be spending some time with Dylan. Then saturday, i'm going to the city with Cadet and maybe Shirley to go job hunting. I hope i can get something. Queens Center Mall is my last option. Then sunday, i'm going to the hair salon to cut my hair into layers perhaps or just trim the tips of my hair. In order for me to actually grow the length i want it to grow, i have to have it healthy first.Which consists of a whole bunch of vitamins and all that other stuff. Oh and a good 8 hour sleep. Which i need to start doing. So if i fall asleep at 10, i'll be getting that 8 hours of sleep that i need. I need that much hours every night and start having a healthy diet, to see improvement. 

I can't begin to understand why the hell is it getting so hot in the middle of September. It needs to get cold already. Boots, high socks, a whole bunch of layers, hair straight, big long scarfs, gloves, and hats awaits me. I can't wait any longer.  Next week coming, the weather is suppose to be staying around 70s. It'll be raining all week. But that's alright, as long as it's going to get colder. Anyway, i finally finished Naruto today and now i'm starting Naruto Shippuden. Yay, i feel accomplished! I really want a job and i won't stop saying it until i get one. I want to go job hunting this saturday. Lets see how that goes. Oh! My nap was great and i want more.

I hate how today ended.
You are making my patience run on a thin line.
Like i said before, I'm not fucking 12 years old.
Goodnight.

I can finally see myself in my room! yay!(:

I'm waiting for a new light to come in that my dad is buying so he can change the one i have right now. The reason it being is because the current one is to dim, i can barley really see anything. So therefore, i stopped painting my nails and came here to blog. I'm completely sleepy and i don't understand why since i slept a lot yesterday. I have eight fingers left to paint. My pinky toes on my right and on my left foot, my thumb on my right hand and basically my whole left hand. I always leave the left hand last because i do it really slow, since i'm not a lefty. Anyway, school was actually okay today. I have some english homework to do and earth science. Art wasn't a total drag today. I'm thinking of painting my room over. Maybe a teal would be nice. I'm getting bored of the orange i have right now. Ou, so today i found out that my senior trip is staying in London for a week. Hearing that makes me, heart melted and overwhelm with excitement. But the catch is, it's like 2,000 dollars and something. That's a lot, just to stay for a week. I told my mom about it but she isn't sure about it since there are other things that need to be paid as in my graduation and prom and other senior crap. Maybe if i get a job, i can make it to the trip. But we'll see how everything goes when i find out more information on friday. Other then that, i want to join a team this year. I was introduced to a sport called Row and it sounds like so much fun. I also have to inform my parents about it and see what they say. As i write this right now, my dad is climbing some stairs to change my light. And i happen to like it alot<3

I need sleep.

Yes, i fee less of a person when you treat them better than me.
Yes, i want you to start treating me like im 17 years old and not 12, i never gave you any reason to do so.
Yes, i do have control over things.
Yes, i text so much because i want too, not because i dont have control over it.
Yes, there is always an excuse for someone and any body to do less for me.
Yes, i want to be equal with you.
Yes, im a happy person but theres sadness in between this person.
Yes, im tired of those excuses they give me. Just tell me, you didnt feel like doing the effort. And we will move on with life.
Yes, i want to get out of new york soon. There's nothing for me here, to stay.
Yes, i'm trying to find ways to explain how i feel right now.
Yes, there's a story behind every sentence here.

Yes, Dylan got me this shirt of Morrissey. Thank you for buying this. I owe you. <3 No one will understand how much i love this man. He is the lead singer of The Smiths. <33333 Even if The Smiths aren't together anymore, they are still my favorite band. Morrissey currently does solos and those are amazing as well. I'm going to let you in on something, okay, so i will wear this shirt more than five times this school year. Yes, i do love it that much.

And i might wear the shirt how i have it on the second picture but i'm not to sure on the boots, i might wear my blue vans or my red vans. But everything changes in the morning. I'm sure that i will leave the shirt and the stockings for tomorrow. I'm pretty sleepy but i won't sleep now because then, i will have a horrible time sleeping tonight. Today was perfect. More than perfect. I don't need to explain. It just was.

So here i am, writing this post as a text. I'm pretty damn excited. Oh yes, i am.
Hello, over- flowing future posts.

In like ten minutes, i'll be taking a shower. For some reason, im excited for today. Maybe it's because my period is leaving and i'm in a great mood. Or it's the emails me and my boyfriend are sending each other. But i'm in a great mood and nothing will ruin it. I tell you not. Rest less mornings like this, makes me want to have windows in my room so the sun can crawl in and embrace my body and give me a boost of energy.

Call me old fashion but I still believe in what we call love, despite the horrid and diminishing notions effecting it. As well do I believe in obstacles, so no I don’t think that anything good comes without some sort of challenge. But we must remember that too much challenge and conflict can turn into something unhealthy.
I believe in commitment and loyalty. If your morals are elsewhere, then elsewhere is where you need to be. I believe that we pretty much know right from wrong, and if you want to be involved in certain things to solely see if I’m offended, it means to me that a small part of your brain is still swindled by immaturity. If a part of you thinks that something just might insult me, then it probably will. Why not avoid the situation all together, or just talk it out, before any actions are committed.

Love doesn’t hurt. You may happen to love someone who hurts you, but don’t confuse or blend the two. Think twice before you give your situation the definition of the L word.

I could go on, but I’m tired.

Happy Birthday Sissay!

It has been 19 years of your life with following cracks of memories. I've never looked up to anyone as much as i do to you. As much as i want to jump onto your bed and scare the living out of you to tell you happy birthday and run away after wards, i won't do it because unlike me, you need your beauty sleep. Time has gone by so fast and you are growing up into a lovely young lady. I hope you have a great day today with whatever you do even if it's very simple. I'm very glad you feel blessed with what you have. I love you dearly so and i hope you get to enjoy more birthday's that come along your road. I wish i had money because i would of loved to get you something really pretty because you deserve it but trust me, when i get a job, i surely will get you something next time. <3 I'm going to try to make you something at least. :-* CHEERS to sissay! *throws glitter*

Ugh, so here i am again.
I told myself that no matter what i wasn't going to come back to my blog or have any contact with any lights that will trigger my brain to wake up. But no, the ringing of my cellphone receiving messages transfers into my dream as a beeper sound. So i wake up. And here i am. I could of easily go back to sleep, but having such a big room makes it a lot harder for me to do so. I don't feel safe here as i use to in my old room. It's probably one of the big reasons why i've lost so much sleep since i moved up here. I'm going to have horrible bags under my eyes pretty soon if this doesn't get fixed. Which won't. Oh and while i was trying to sleep around 12ish, almost one to be exact, i painted my nails orange and lay perfectly so my nails won't get ruin while i slept. I'm crazy. Well not that crazy.

Maybe i should sleep now

because there is a six o'clock in the morning alarm waiting to wake me up so i can start off my day.

"I might not be as pretty as her or smarter or funnier. But i'm me and i want you to see that. Treat me as my own person. Don't ever compare me to her. Were both different and i might not know her but i'm surely positive that i am more of a greater person than her because i can love something she never could. And that's you."

I just finished speaking to an old friend of mine and boy, she gave me a piece of her mind. It killed me a bit. No, actually it teared me into pieces when she was telling me all the things she did. I told her what i wanted to tell her, all the things that was going on and how happy i was from time to time and how when i felt that happiness it was something i wanted to keep tasting for the rest of my life. She listened to each and every word i had to say. I felt it. She's that friend that destroys you in a insist but then builds you into a more amazing person you once stood as. After we said our goodbyes, she told me she was proud of me. How far i've gotten and how much i improved with how i see things now. She told me that the most thing she's proud of is how i never gave up on love because of everything i've been through and how i'm just loving stronger after that. It felt really confronting to hear that. I really love it when people tell me they are proud of me. It keeps me going. She told me to be safe and to actually take care of myself as in going to sleep early and eating right. I told her i will, but i don't know if i'll be doing that tonight. Because after speaking to her, i woke up. I wasn't sleepy anymore. I felt different some how. I probably didn't change physically, but emotionally and mentally i did. I don't know what to do right now but i want to do something. And i'm not talking about watching Naruto, but doing something physically different. While i was rambling to her, she told me to breathe. And i laughed because i'm never able to breathe when i have so much things to say. I have to much thoughts. Sometimes i feel like i'm going explode. I really like something she said between our conversation and i wrote it in italic up there. Anyway, the point of this all, is that i love people like her.

Inspiration is what i'm longing for right now. I need someone to say things and show me things that can inspire me to do better, possibly to write more or expand my brain into more levels of life. I don't know when i'll find this person but i hope it'll be soon. I need new things in my life. I need more knowledge to feed upon. It doesn't even have to be just a person, it can be a book to read or a painting or a journey of someone's thoughts. I miss being inspired. What ever happen to those people?

Magically my webcam is working again (: I don't know how and i don't care as long as it's working again.

It feels good.

To be awake at this time. To actually be able to wake up today. To know there's one more day for me. To have a full day ahead of me and get things done. To be able to be happy as i am right now. To descend into my thoughts and create. It feels good. It feels really good. I can't even begin to explain the depth of it. Today makes me want to say " I love life." I'm enduring my dreams and it makes me miss my dad's parents, i hope we visit them soon. I need to know that my dream wasn't true. That their love really didn't end because of her blood pressure. I need to know that my reality has to keep being better than my dreams.

A few points.

•  My webcam broke and i don't understand how.
• I had a great blissful day with boyfriend.
• I can't stop listening to Trey. 
• I want to sleep.
• I want bubble tea.
• I need to get a new webcam.
• I'm falling in love more each day that passes.
• I want winter to come.
• My birthday really needs to have ice cream sandwiches and glitter.
• I want a great birthday.

I'm completely drained out. I'm so sleepy. But i really want to finish two more episodes of Naruto before thinking of knocking out. But while i was watching the last few ones, i was speaking to one of my friends and it feels good, very good, to know that we understand each other more now and to know that we have a date filled with boxes of tacos waiting for us. I told her that she deserved to feel good because honestly, everyone does. No matter what they do. They deserve to feel good. And not out of evil reasons but out of good reasons. She also made sure that i knew that she has my back and she was wrong for saying the things she said. But all is forgotten and everything is quite calm between us. And our conversation went on and about other things. I still have the attitude that i said i was going to have into this year, but not with people i still want in my life.

Yesterday's Hell.

I was truly scared and pointless when the rain startled coming down. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't understand why it was raining that hard. Until later on, i found out it was a tornado. Well i couldn't even do much i was home either way. I was completely worried about Dylan because he was outside with all his friends. But i'm more than thankful that he wasn't one of those people that got hurt or died. Outside was hell. The world truly did look like it was coming to an end, and that was just me seeing from my window. Imagine if i was in Dylan's shoes. I miss him horribly right now. That storm sucked the life out of him, he thought he was going to die. Do you know how mad i would of startled acting? He is my soul mate. I can't lose him now or ever.


I'm glad everyone i know and love are safe no matter what condition their home is. Just be grateful that storm didn't take you with it. There isn't school today and i don't really care if there is or isn't. I'm going to see if i can see Dylan, he deserves the trip that i will be dealing with. He deals with too much and i feel like he never really gets a break from it. And i want to make him feel better and bring life back to him.

I took a nap and i woke up to my sister's call telling me to open the door for her. Which sucks, because i was having a great, dream-less, knocked out sleep. But that's alright. I won't be going to sleep without hearing Dylan. What sucks more, is that i've gotten into the habit of waking up and staying up. I want Ramen and eggs.

Postcards from my orange room.

I want a penpal. I think it'll be pretty awesome, writing letters and mailing it to each other with an large amount of miles between us. I want postcards as well from this penpal. I love postcards. Especially with a picture you have taken and place it as the design on the front and a paragraph about it. <3

 Tomorrow will be my third day of my senior year and so far my classes aren't all that bad. There's one class that i don't really like which is art. There is too much freshmens in that class that think they are quite the tough characters and loud. It's also boring because we don't do anything. We just copy what she has up and do the mini task which is completely easy. Not a challenge at all. And she doesn't even go over them. She just lets us sit there for the rest of the period. What a drag. Plus, i don't speak to any one there but this girl that sits next to me. I actually like my earth science class and my english as of now.And how will i end this paragraph, you wonder?Ramen is better than Cup Noodles.
Done.

Stupid Period.

Stupid Hormones.

My bangs are starting to bother me.

Did they possibly grow within a week or so after i cut them? My bangs are starting to poke into my eyes every time i move or blink. It's quite annoying. But i will let them grow all healthy and just trim them occasionally. For now though, i will patiently continue to lift my bangs with my eyelashes until they grow.

Today i went to school and i finally fixed up my classes which took hours to do so. But i'm happy with my classes, which i will start tomorrow, so i can't wait for that. The only thing i don't like is that Dylan comes out a period later then me and i'm not sure what to do for that hour if i ever wanted to wait for him. But we will work things out and i also don't like how he's quite behind but i know he'll get his stuff together <33, i'll help if i have too. I was extremely tired and hungry so that had me constantly down but i tried my best to be happy and to talk a lot, like the usual, for Dylan. <3 I don't know if that worked out so well while we were at Bowne, but everything was better when we got away from everyone. It always is, actually. Anyway, besides the part of me seeing Cadet and Crystal, everything else had me in full disgust. I just really hate how people are and think at Bowne and how loud they are. Is it really that necessary to have a conversation with the whole auditorium when you're trying to talk to just one person? Anyway, I really can't wait to finish up my last year and basically start a new life when i go to college.  Yesterday i did a ten minute work out and now i actually feel the pain so it's working. I shall stick to that for now.

When i was sitting down on the floor today waiting for the line to move, i told myself, what i think about myself is what really matters. And i have to keep reminding myself that, in order to get my goals done and feel good about myself. So i won't allow myself to be down because of this or that.

This year, i won't allow drama. You have my word for it.

But either way, i miss Dylan a lot. It sucks that we only can spend a few hours together and then depart. :/ And it'll be harder this year for us to see each other because he is going to be busy most of the year trying to catch up and stuff. But his baseball games. <333 I will surely take pictures of it. (:  I might join the Bowling  team and then probably Tennis, all depending if both of those teams aren't on the same season. And i will also have to speak to my mom about me joining it.

" I just need to know that it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever."

Day 7: Do you want to get married and/or have kids?

Yes, i would like to get married. Not just with anyone, i'm going to be picky because i only want to get marry once. I might love a person deeply but if there are any doubts running around my head about any problem we ever had, or conversations, or talking about the wedding itself and if those doubts can't change then i don't want to get marry with him. I want my marriage to be a clean, long lasting, trustworthy, loyal, and unconditional love type thing and of course all that great stuff that comes out of love. The reason why i am like this is because i see how my parents are and i don't want what they have. I don't want to argue about those doubts that couldn't be fixed or what ever the case is. I just want to be completely happy until i die. Do i want kids? well it all depends how society is at the moment.

I don’t know if it’s just me,

but are there ever times where you think nothing’s wrong,
and, really nothing is. but all of the sudden you feel all hurt inside. but nothing bad happened. You just randomly felt it? It kinda feels like you can’t be happy or content all of the time. Like it’s reminding you that anything could happen.

I mean, im very happy right now, but sometimes this happens and i felt like writing about it.

Oh btw, me and my sister were very bored a couple of hours ago, so we made videos and took pictures of all sorts :b and i'll show you some. And let me remind you, my sister thought i was being cute in those videos-.- <333 i don't know where she saw that but im not concerned, haha.

Omg! Episode 101 of Naruto was way to funny. <3 buwahaha, Dylan you shall watch it again. (:
Besides all that, i can't stop thinking about you and the next time ill be able to devour your face. I teased you way to much on trying to bother you the time we met up yesterday and i don't think it was going so well :b so next time; ill be utterly nice <33 Either way, i don't think you would mind. <333 I don't know if i'll be watching another episode of Naruto tonight, we'll see :b I just want to lay down and have an easy access to watch any kind of movie i want and eat food.  And i don't know if it's just the great mood i'm in right now that is making me say this but i'm not going to care about any drama/rumor people have in store for us this year, i'm just going to talk to you about it calmly and not worry about a thing because you have proved me more than enough that i'm the only one you want and need. <3333

"Because it happens. Because sometimes people just stop deserving you. They’re better off alone."

The turtle ring. <333
Thank you/

Being able to sit here and smile while i think of today is blissful. I saw Dylan today and we hung out at his house like the usual. We exchanged gifts for our 6 months anniversary and i can't explain how much i adore it. It's a turtle ring. <333 And it's back can open and it'll be a watch. I already showed my mom, sister and her friend and they thought it was really cute. And the best of all, it's sliver. <3 So we spent half of the day together, we watched anime, baked some sugar cookies with sprinkles which were so good, and then we ordered some Chinese food after a while. It's funny, how we never eat healthy when we are together. I didn't want to leave him, like always. But i went home and then went to a festival that's going on around my house. Italians host it. I went with my mother and she bought me a cute sliver pink bracelet which is now on my right wrist. Today couldn't have gone better. Today's weather was pretty great even though i wasn't quite dressed for it and the moon looked like a perfect skinny banana. <33

I can't wait for monday because i will finally be able to fix my classes and see you<33 and hopefully some friends of mine.(:

I can't find sleep as of right now. I'm so anxious to see you in a few hours. <333
I'm currently listening to music while i download more.(:

Day 6: What are your views on love? Do you think it’s real? Do you think we only experience one love per lifetime? Does everyone have a soul mate?

    I am a strong believer and count me as a sucker as well. I believe people can love many things, many people, in many ways, sometimes love is similar, familiar perhaps. Other times love can be different, so different it's vague. It is real and those who have felt pain from it, who have been in love, or is in love would know that it is. Though one can love many, in many different ways, i do believe there is a soul mate for each individual. A special person that your soul is inexplicably connected to. Someone that makes your human form easy to be in, that helps you reach happiness that you once thought was impossible. Someone you trust with a doubt in your mind,  with your life, and more importantly with your heart.

Greetings from today(:

Your Girlfriend,

isn’t clingy because she cares . Isn’t psycho because she wants to know who your with . Isn’t doubtful because she fears losing you . Isn’t insecure because she thinks another girl isn’t pretty. She isn’t boring because you don’t see her dolled up anymore , she just feels comfortable . Don’t blame her if she doesn’t call you all the time , she doesn’t want you to think she’s crazy . She just wants you to have some space . When you ask your girlfriend if you can do something and she says yes , it doesn’t always mean sure , go ahead . Yes she trusts you , she just doesn’t always trust the people around you . She’s not territorial . She’s not controlling . She just likes you , wants you to stay , and is just being the normal , caring , loving , will-do-anything type of girlfriend she is . So don’t break promises , even though we know you will . So don’t ignore her , even though we know sometimes you do . Don’t take advantage of her kindness , even though you already have . & Don’t hurt her . Us girls don’t ask for much , just a moment of your time , a hand to hold , shoulder to cry on, & ears that will actually listen . We don’t expect you to be perfect because we already think your perfect for us . Your imperfections just make us love you more and more . So don’t hurt her , because she dropped her guard for you .


Just found this in my box that is filled with pieces of my life <333
I love when i run into my writings.
This was written 7 months ago and i was inspired by one of my friend's relationship.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJDgBtGkGR0


And I hear your words that I made up, You say my name like there could be an us, I best tidy up my head I'm the only one in love

I'm the only one in love

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8wrvMWid40&feature=player_embedded#at=89
Why is this beyond cute?
<3

Day 5: Do you think sex before marriage is okay?

Yes, why not?
Sex is just Sex.
People should express themselves how ever they want too, just be safe and don't go having sex with who ever and every one, make sure what kind of person they are, where they have been, if they don't have any diseases and how many partners they shared sexual intercourse with.
Take your time. And make sure you are doing it for all the right reasons.

I've said this before

No matter how old i am, i will still love my childhood favorite movies. Like Peter Pan, Finding Neverland, Beauty and the Beast, Little Nemo, Dumbo, Edward Scissors Hands, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Cinderella. I'm sure there's more but these of the whole bunch that i like the most. Since i'm reading old stories that i made up, old conversations and falling upon my favorite videos of animations makes the night a lot better than what it is already. It makes me less sleepy. One of my favorite producer of anime movies/ short animations, Makoto Shinkai, Hayao Miyazaki, Satoshi Kon, and Mamoru Hosoda.

One of my favorite animations that's one of my favorite producers are Makoto Shinkai; 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxYKzuNVT_A&feature=player_embedded#!

I have a few favorite movies by them;
Spirited Away- Hayao Miyazaki
Howl's Moving Castle- Hayao Miyazaki
5 Centimeters Per Second- Makoto Shinkai
Paprika- Satoshi Kon
The Girl Who Leapt Through Time- Mamoru Hosoda

The movies i want to watch by them are;
Perfect Blue- Satoshi Kon
Voices of a Distant Star- Makoto Shinkai
Kino's Journey- Ryutaro Nakamura
Tokyo God Fathers- Satoshi Kon
The Place Promised in Our Early Days- Makoto Shinkai
Princess Mononoke- Hayao Miyazaki
My neighbor Totoro- Hayao Miyazaki
Pocket Full of rainbows- Eureka Seven 

...there is probably more i want to see but i don't know the names of them. 

I've stopped watching Naruto and just startled browsing the net and i had fell upon this article that happened on August. 7, 1994 in Oakville, Washington. The fact that they had received countless gelatinous blobs instead of rain is ridiculous. After this occur the cizitzens in Oakville became very sick, with a flu-like symptoms that lasted 7 weeks to 3 months probably. This blob was sent in for testing. The blob contained human white cells.After this bacteria being found. The blob was sent to another department for a second testing and then that result held another type of bacteria which is found in our human digestive system. I think is completely weird that these blobs were falling out of the sky instead of rain. Even though this event happened a long time ago, it still creep me out and i found it interesting.

Either way, why does it sound like there's a cricket in my room?

Day 4: What is your view on gay marriage?

Gay marriage is just the same as an "normal" marriage.
Why does it matter on the gender?
You are suppose to marry what you love. Not the opposite sex.
Love is the root of marriage.
Marry whoever or whatever, as long as you are happy.
I don't care if it says that you aren't suppose to "in the bible". 
And everyone should accept gay marriage just as they accept a man and a woman getting marry.

Yesterday was well spent with the boyfriend. He came to pick me up early in the morning at my house and then we went to bowne and being there just reminded me how much i hate that damn filthy place. After that, we went to the mall to look for my blue vans, no luck on that, we also went to urban to change my shirt and i bought a bag.(: Which i adore. Then, we went to the city and i found my vans there and Dylan also found some things there as well.(: The best part of the day was knowing that i was going back home with him to spend the rest of my day there with him. <3

Today we made 6 months. It really does feel like more. We have been through quite a lot already but that's alright because that just makes us stronger and love each other more. I can actually say he is my best friend. He is the only one as of now, who knows everything that goes on inside my mind. It makes me very happy knowing that i spent these past 6 months with him and no one else. And hopefully there is more to come. It's great being in a relationship where you and your partner is happy.Thank you for the meal today and every thing you have given me. So once again happy anniversary baby.

Among other things;
I drank two orange juices bottles. I can't stop sneezing. I didn't go to school today. My classes aren't fixed yet. I'm going to watch Naruto right now. I sent an email to this part time after school job and i haven't received anything back. I really need a job this year.

As a result of my personal grooming, i feel great today.

I did my hair and cut my bangs, re-painted my nails, shaved my legs which are really smooth and went to the dentist. I like feeling clean. It's amazing what can be done when you wake up early. I cooked dinner tonight, once again. The chicken came out really yummy. Everyone said so. It felt good to hear that. I also cleaned Miso's tank which needed to be clean.

Back to watching Naruto.
/I'm going to try to sleep a bit early today in order to wake up early tomorrow.
Oh, and by the way, five more months until i turn 18 years old. :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dq1HJI76RbU&feature=player_embedded#!
:3

Day 3: Are you proud to be from whatever country you are from?

I don't really consider myself anything but a human being who is  happy and who is learning. But i am proud from where i come from because that is where i come from. I wouldn't change it. I would never be a shame to tell people i am from Dominican Republic. Our blood is tie with  Taíno ancestry and i am proud of that as well. We fought quite well to get our Independence.

Why haven't i seen Where the wild things are yet? I must watch it this week, no later.
Today was a lovely sunday well spent. I cleaned and went food shopping with sister and mom. I cooked dinner tonight as well (: Chicken burrito. :D Tomorrow i am finally going to do my hair straight and go to the dentist. Tuesday i shall buy my vans and hopefully a bag, the boots would be for much later this week i suppose. I have a great feeling that this week is going to be an awesome one. Make that this month.

Day 2: Do you believe in an afterlife? What do you believe happens when you die?

Yes, i do believe in having an afterlife. I believe that after we die, we get reincarnate into what ever our destiny is at the time. Because i do believe that our destiny changes, but that's another story. Anyway, i believe that we get reincarnate into people with a new set of memory, (but i do believe that we can sense a dejavu of something that we did in our past life no matter what you were, once again that's another story), anything of mother nature and or any sort of energy. Anything to return to the earth.

So i didn't end up going shopping with Dylan. But today was still a great day. I spent it with my mother and my sister for a little but then she went her way. My mom bought me so much things. I felt so spoiled and yet again like a selfish person to take some of my mom's hard working money away from her like nothing. This is why i want a job so i won't feel as bad when i spend money because it would be my money. This year, i'm really going to try to get a job. I wouldn't know where to start but i guess that's alright. And half of my first pay check is going to my mom. Eventually i'll help out with some bills even though my parents don't need money,even though they don't show any sign of struggle when it comes to paying things around the house. But i owe it to them. At least that. Anyway, i bought a leather jacket, some shirts, some sweaters, these cute heels ( that i won't be wearing to school but when i go out.), a pair of shorts and a pair of jeans. I need blue vans, boots and a new bag. I'll be all set after that with material things. I'll be good for a while, hence that i have a lot of clothes to start with anyway. But today was really nice with my mom, i didn't expect it. I'm glad she came along with me. <3 Thanks mami <3 <3 <3

I need to know now if i'm able to go out for school shopping with Dylan.
I'm getting impatient.
My mother is sleeping right now and as me being nice, i want her to sleep because she deals with too much during the weekdays. But i can't wait any longer. I want to know now so i can tell Dylan to come over and then we can head out and shop and then go to his house later on. But shits, taking to long. If it were possible right now and i had enough money, i would move out.
I just need my space. I want to know that i can come home whenever and study or do whatever and not hear any one's mouth or deal with any bullshit. I understand that moving out so early and being independent at this age isn't a great idea but i really think i can do it if i have money and the support of my house hold family.
My dad's home, and knowing that he will be home during the whole week feels weird. I hope he gets those things done in the house because it needs to be done and i really hope i don't have to deal with any of his stuff that comes out of intoxication. I just want to be with you. One of the reasons why i am excited for school is because i get to be with you almost all those days.
Okay, i'm done.

Today i was finally able to see you. I've missed you so much and i still do. I hope that we can see each other tomorrow no matter what the circumstances are. My boyfriend is awesome, he made some ramen noodle soup with eggs and sausages. It was so fulfilling but i didn't like the sausages so much. Tomorrow we are going to make some sugar cookies with sprinkles. (:   I love the baking days we have, it really does make me feel like i live with him. We are going to make six months in five days and i'm so excited. Ah, I'm also going to buy some clothes tomorrow as well for school. (:

Day 1: Do you believe in god/what religion are you?

I can't say that i do but i can't say that i don't either. I don't know where i am when it comes to believing in that word, but i do believe that there is an Almighty. An Almighty who is better than who we are now because it's at its best. Not someone who created the world but someone who lives inside us who keeps us living. Believing in something in general is healthy. I fall in between a Animist and Buddhist, that is my religion.

30 Day Controversial Challenge

Day 1: Do you believe in god/what religion are you?
Day 2: Do you believe in an afterlife? What do you believe happens when you die?
Day 3: Are you proud to be from whatever country you are from?
Day 4: What is your view on gay marriage?
Day 5: Do you think sex before marriage is okay?
Day 6: What are your views on love? Do you think it’s real? Do you think we only experience one love per lifetime? Does everyone have a soul mate?
Day 7: Do you want to get married and/or have kids?
Day 8: Do you think any drugs should be legalized? Do you think there should be an age for drinking?
Day 9: Pro-life or prochoice?
Day 10: What do you think about straightxedge?
Day 11: What do you think about prostitution? Should it be legal?
Day 12: What do you think about bisexuality?
Day 13: Do you think there should be an age to get tattoos/piercings without the consent of a parent?
Day 14: Do you believe in aliens?
Day 15: Do you believe in regrets? Do you have any terrible ones?
Day 16: What do you want to happen to your body when you die?
Day 17: Have you experienced your ‘first true love’ yet? Do you believe you ever will?
Day 18: What is your take on people who self harm (cutting, burning, scratching etc etc.)?
Day 19: Do you think high schools should give out free contraceptive?
Day 20: What do you think about plastic surgery?
Day 21: What do you think about the death penalty?
Day 22: Do you say your country’s national anthem/pledge of allegiance when it is said/listened to?
Day 23: What do you think about thinspo?
Day 24: Your take on sex before 15?
Day 25: The most revolting thing to you
Day 26: What would you do if you just found out you were pregnant?
Day 27: Is cheating acceptable to you? Why or why not?
Day 28: Should there be capital punishment?
Day 29: Is killing for revenge acceptable?
Day 30: Your take on life?

Something to keep my mind moving. 
I like questions anyway. 

I want to be reincarnate into a butterfly.

 Even if they live for a short period of time.
They're so beautiful.
To have people like me, believe that butterflies or moths can give you good luck on whatever they land on is amazing.
They're free.

    So i got this yesterday and i'm already on my 8th post, i can't help but blog and write while i'm absorbing the useful, and discarding the useless of my days. I really do miss being in school and each day that is passing by makes me more eager to go to school. I want to do my best and really open my creative side to the future essays that center for writing will give me. I need to start expanding my vocabulary more for the SATs. I honestly can't wait to grasp my new attitude and cut people off who had screwed me over. I do forgive those who have though, but there's not one chance i will continue to be your friend and wait until you screw me over again just because you hate the world one day. They're a select few who really have ticked me off.  But whatever. The past is the past. I just don't want them in my future.


I can't stop listening to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eV_4gmRnHDI
It's on repeat as i type this very sentence.
I'm singing along with it even if i don't know the words.
I'm not concerned.

While i wait for Naruto to load...and wait for dinner..

 I thought about this old couple i saw when i went out side really quick today to drop off some cellphones at the post office and i must say that i love it when old couples hold hands, be genuinely nice to each other and when i see that their love is still there it makes me so happy because in some way or another fairly tales do happen and true lasting love does exist. It makes me really happy because it keeps my hope growing for that to happen to me some day. I wish i was able to experience that happiness i get when i see old couples, with my parents  because i think i would view love a lot different and i think i would be more nicer than i am. Which i don't know if it's a bad thing or a good thing. But either way, i'm just a sucker for love. I do try my best to love passionate and as if i never got hurt before. Why do i try to do that? Because i like having a mind that isn't in the gutter so much. That's why i'm trying my best to have a clean state of mind, which i do think i'm making some process in.

So tomorrow i will be tagging along with dylan while he does school shopping which i can't wait because stuff like that gets me really excited.

I just finished three episodes of Naruto.
I couldn't stop crying in the last one.
Their words get to me like no other show.
I feel like a baby.

  It really does suck not being able to have spent the day with you as planned but we do have the hope of tomorrow and saturday which i hope goes exactly the way i want it to go. I just need to step out of my house and walk a few blocks and then i will believe that i will be seeing you. I really miss smelling you or just having your scent around me. I just miss you, dearly. Besides you, i miss one other person in bowne and that's just Cadet. Everyone else can keep themselves with their drama. My neck really hurts from the work out i was trying to do yesterday, which sucks because i will be going to the gym tonight to attend this spin class and then this intense abs work out. Hopefully it works. I'm thinking of just attending the spin class because the intense abs work out is a lot later and then that means there will be a lot more people since it's around 8. Or i might just go later, like in a hour or so and just do some tread mill and get on a machine that works out my stomach area so i won't be around too many people. Ah, now writing all about it, i don't even want to go, i just want the machines in my house so i can work out for as long as i want too, barefoot, taking as much breaks as i want and i'll be able to sing. I want to sing while i work out. The only reason i am going is because my dad wants me to go. I mean i do have my reason on wanting to get more fit and stuff but he is the one who keeps bugging me about it, telling me that i will be happy with my results. Even though he is true. It just sucks that he'll be disappointed if i don't go to the gym. But here i go again, putting some one's needs before mine. I think i'm just going to talk to him and not go any more. I do much better when i'm working out at home anyway. I just have to start eating right. I did look up some interesting articles about skin care, how to lose belly fat and all that good stuff. So i'll be alright. And besides my dad would be saving 35 dollars a month to something more worth it then spending it on me, who goes to the gym when she feels like it. Anyway, i'm rambling to much.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXu5-m56bEo&feature=player_embedded 

Semhar - Limitless Love

I love this and i love her hair.
This reminds me a lot of Def Poetry Jam.

The Joy.

No really, the joy!

 I am extremely happy about the hurricane that will be coming tomorrow. It better rain hard and it better be really windy. Why do i wish for this to  happen? because i want fall to come as fast as it can. <3

 My sleeping patterns are all fucked up. I can't even remember what startled it. I'm usually taking naps and staying up for the whole night and then knocking back out around 8ish. I'm glad i don't do this alone though, i have Dylan, anime, and water. and i'm doing it again tonight, i didn't take a nap though. I wish i did.  But as of now, i'm all brain dead. I'm a ticking bomb that isn't ticking. I'm thinking with a brain that feels like it's not even working. I'm really hungry and i'm in the mood for miso soup, green tea and some bread. I'm watching Naruto right now and it's so awesome.

Something that i needed to re-post.

   All but a natural high when someone actually understands you in every type of emotional level that you are going through, when someone actually loves you despite where you came from, who you are and those dreams that tell them who you are planning to be, when someone is willing to do anything just to see you smile and protect you from whatever it is, when someone makes sure they feel your warmth right near them before you fall into your slumber, when someone reassures you about whatever it is that you need to be reassured about, when they can connect to you subconsciously just by sitting across from each other, when they want to spend all their days with you, when someone who is true to their words because of their actions, when someone makes sure you know they love you just as much as you do, when they can speak to you for hours and not get bored or get tired no matter what the subject it is, when someone refuses to let go of a subject until everything is completely content and when someone kisses your physical insecurities.You shouldn’t let go of this person because those are the ones who are right for you. And i won't. Or in correct terms, your soul mate. Of course there is more to your soul mate but this is just the scratch of the surface among that subject. You are my soul mate.


As of right now, i have been feeling that natural high for 6 months already and it feels completely wonderful. I feel like i’m floating, even if that sounds cliche. But it’s the truth though.

Welcome Back

I am one big mess. One huge mess. Just a mess. I can never stick to something for longer than months or probably a year. I always want something new because i always get bored with what i am writing on. I always come to this no matter how long the time period is. I just do and i don't know why. Well i do and it's because i feel like i can really let myself go here. I just love writing and some days i want to share that with people, i want everyone to read what i have written and those days i leave this to another site that is way much advanced than this. I can't help myself. I have bought a book not to long ago and it's half way through. I don't even know what i write about half of the times im typing or holding a pen. I never repeat myself unless i mean something which are only a few words. I never know what i am writing after i read everything when im done. I just think. Think and think because i feel like when i don't think, im getting older, dull, boring and dumb. I don't know but that's what i think on me thinking so much. I'll only follow a few people who still have a blog spot. But i refuse to follow you. You always have something to say that i rather not read. Anyway, every time i want to go to a new place to write as in a site, i have to remind myself that tumblr or anything is not better than this.

Okay, i'm done with this rant.

When i get older, would i feel like i wasted my time on these blogs? 
I dont know, but i hope i don't feel that way when i do get older because this makes me feel good right now and I think that's what matters the most.